Find your 50 / Midlife Marsha

“Thirty Seconds of Pain and Suffering”

I hate to admit this but I’m suffering from an identity crisis. I wouldn’t call it  a mid-life crisis because frankly it didn’t dawn on me until recently that I’m – uh – how do you put it gently? I’m old.

When my glasses are off, the person I see in the mirror each morning believes she’s a young, witty,  hip chick. With my glasses on, the person I see in the mirror  asks, “Who’s that old broad with wrinkles and the beginnings of age spots?”

There’s a pill for that–in more ways than one

My crisis has also been fueled by a couple of commercials now running on TV. The first one advertises a web-based dating service for people 50-plus. Can single, middle-aged people not be trusted to find age appropriate dates? And where will cougars and sugar daddies find their bait – I mean dates? The other commercial that gets me is for a glucosamine supplement. To the tune of “The Joint is Jumpin,” actors jump up and down as their names and ages flash at the bottom of the screen.  There’s Jim who is 51 and Lisa who is 50.  You get the gist. To be fair, the commercial starts with Rick, who is a relative youngster at 49 but seriously, don’t people younger than 50 have joint issues?

Singing the blues

My other gripe about that joint supplement commercial is the music. I admire Fats Waller’s music – but he wrote that song before we were born. What about “Jumpin’ Jack Flash” by the Rolling Stones or “Jump” by Van Halen. To our kids those songs were written in the dark ages. To me it seems like yesterday.

Age, sometimes, is a “state” not necessarily always a “state of mind”

I guess what I don’t like is being lumped into one big, “old” group. I never thought of myself as old until these commercials started airing. Then I started really thinking about age and what I realize is that no 20-something or 30-something spontaneously chats with me. I only hear them talking to me when they are forced such as taking my order or trying to sell me something.  My husband’s parents were in their early 50s when we started dating and I admit it, I thought “they” were ancient. I am  getting brochures titled “Understanding Social Security” because that’s something I need to prepare for.  And lastly and perhaps most painfully, the only people who think I’m young are my parent’s friends.

I know I’m half-way to the finish line but who wants to be reminded of that?  I want to glide gracefully into the future believing that I’m still witty and hip. I think I’ll just have to turn off the TV and only look in the mirror when I’m not wearing my glasses.





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